My Story...and Goodbye Until 2022!
I grew up in predominantly white spaces all of my life, and race was not something that was talked about in my family. My father is African American and my mother is White. Looking back on my childhood, I can recognize all the ways that I assimilated into whiteness. Sometimes, causing physical harm (chemical burns from relaxing my hair), and in most ways, emotional and spiritual harm.
I was a pretty intuitive child, and could always sense the tension between my mom and dad's family due to their bi-racial union. It manifested in a type of separation from my Black family, and, what I would describe now as, a "harmful love" with my mom's family. I received harmful racialized messages from my own family in a multitude of ways, and often in the most subtle of ways: We were well behaved (for Black children). We had beautiful skin (unlike Black children). And, the list goes on.
Although I never said it at the time, as a child, I wanted to be white. It was a form of survival for me, even if I was unable to name it at the time. In my attempt to assimilate into whiteness, I slowly stripped away my true identity. To the point where I no longer recognized myself. And, the truth is, I never fit into those white spaces. I always felt something was missing. I was constantly gaslit...from others and my own damn self.
The past 5 years or so have been an awakening for me. I have grieved the missed childhood opportunities to explore and discover my true self. During my Master’s Certificate program, I discovered multiple racial identity development scholars, and their work has contributed to this feeling within me of (finally) being SEEN. Despite countless hours engaging in racial equity work, I still consider myself on this racial identity journey, and this will likely be my truth for this entire lifetime. I've been doing A LOT of decolonizing and deconstructing, and it hasn’t always been easy.
While I will always live with the tension of being descended both from ancestors who were enslaved and ancestors who enslaved, I recognize the power in being able to name it, and hold it, and move from a place of shame and fear and anger to a place of LOVE and GRACE and ACCEPTANCE. I was put on this Earth to hold space and love to guide others to do the same.
I want to be the person to hold other womens’ hands as they explore their own racial identity development, and navigate their way through this lifetime in the most authentic way they can. I truly believe that when women are given the light of hope and empowerment, nothing can stop them. When BIPOC womens’ voices are amplified, it’s heard all over the world. I want to create a container for their fears, concerns, doubts, shame, guilt, anger, confusion, etc. to be lovingly held. I want this container to feel BRAVE and SAFE and CHALLENGING.
I can’t wait to give birth to this idea (and many others!) in 2022, and until then, I am leaning into the self care and development that I need in order to facilitate these “containers” that I am dreaming about. I am headed on a 20-day Spiritual Pilgrimage to a magical place, along with a beautiful Spiritual Guide, and at least 6 other women. One day I will write an entire blog post about this magical place, and the many messages I have received throughout my life, calling me to it at least since I was in middle school. But, for now, here’s the cliff notes version:
In middle school, I learned the basics of this ancient language, and was OBSESSED with writing and reading in this ancient language. I have since forgotten it.
I had a bracelet with a symbol from this ancient land, and I wore it ALL THE TIME. On many occasions, I would lose it. And, without fail, it would show up in the oddest of places (one time, on the floor in the back of my mother’s pantry). It was a symbol of protection for me.
In a recent Angel Reiki session, it was revealed to me that I have had at least one past life in this ancient land. I received similar information from three additional intuitives, all on separate occasions with no connection to each other.
In one of my Workshops, I teach about the Birthplace of Civilization, and the diversity and beauty and magic of this country, and the entire continent that has been white-washed; colonized; and hidden from us.
Can you guess???
“Egypt otherwise known as Kemet is the cradle of civilization, and I consider it to be the capital of timebending. It is the space that holds great mystery, and the portal of portals for Mother Earth. A landscape of the Ancient Future.” - Ra Ma (@Earthseedtemplearts)
So...from December 3-December 22, I will be journeying through this ancient land starting in Luxor, then to the healing waters and springs of Siwa, and finally to Cairo. I will participate fully in this Spiritual Pilgrimage, which means I will disconnect from technology the entire time. I am so excited to share my journey with you upon my return. My team and I have been cooking up some exciting stuff, including a new brand launch that I believe speaks more truly to who I am, and what I bring to the collective in terms of healing and transformation.